Just a Dream

I woke up in a startle, sweating heavily right through my thin cotton night gown.
"not again," I whisper to myself in the quiet of the night.
"not another nightmare."
I strongly remember that in this one I was dreaming about being left all alone, abandoned, in a place that reeked a horrid, rancid smell of pure fear. My own fear. A place where darkness consumed all that was around you in every direction as far as the eye could possibly see.
I shiver just thinking about it.
I turn in my bed to look over at my alarm clock to the right of me on my little wooden night stand. " it's only 3:17 in the morning."
I reluctantly lay back down in my warm bed, hoping that I might get a bit more sleep before 5 a.m. came around. I slowly let my eyes close shut. let my mind drift off to a far off place. A horrid flash back of the recent nightmare comes flooding to me without any warning. Some oddly familiar, skinny built, tall male is walking away from me, ignoring my desperate pleas for him to turn around and come back rushing to my aid. I hastily reach up and out with my right hand, hoping to just stop him, but with no luck. The tips of my scraped up fingers just barley brush the back of his leg on his dirty, denim blue jeans.
"NO." I strongly declare out loud. My voice cracks a bit under my weekend state.
I demand myself to stop this terrifying flashback from continuing on any further, but with no avail. It continues on without my consent. Like horror movie that I can't escape from.
I can clearly see myself painfully struggling to get this mans attention and to stay sitting up while on the hard, cold, cement ground.
"Please don't leave. I need you to be with me." I hear myself call out.
I see him ahead of me in the midst of the darkness, stopping abruptly as if to ponder his thoughts on what I've just said out loud. As if he were intrigued about what I had to say to him. Even though my words to him were out of pure desperation.
I continue speaking, trying to hold his attention a little bit longer.
"I need you. Your absence in my life has gone right through me, Like double edged swords piercing my heart at every possible angle"
At this moment I remember who this man standing in front of me is. I remember just what he had meant to me.
"I think I should have loved you presently, and given in earnest words flung like nothing but jest; and had I lifted honest eyes for you to see."
I let my words puncture the darkly, thick air and gently float over to where he stood standing with his back still turned to me.
With those words have been said I gained the needed strength to fully stand up on my own. As if admitting the truth to him allowed me to gain back the strength that I needed.
"I should have caught your hand every time it brushed my cheek in affection"
I slowly take a single step forward in his far off direction.
"with all our clothes flung aside, I should have presented my soul to you. With that that won you to me."
I take yet another small step forward trying to close the darkly, evident space between us.
"And beneath your gaze, naked of reticence and shorn of sheer pride. I, that had belonged to you, had you remained, but one more waking from this recurrent dream. cherish no less that which was gained."
With the space between us now almost gone I gently reach up and put my right hand on his bare left shoulder. His milky white skin was smooth, and warm under the cold touch of my cold, weekend hand. He slowly turned around as if to brace himself for what he was about to see.
He saw me in a simple dress that flowed down all the way down to my bare feet. He saw how the sleeves of my dress loosely fell off my shoulders revealing the innocent glowing skin of my body he once had touched and longed for so many times before.
When he finally turned around the first thing I saw was his velvety chocolate eyes looking right into my own. On his perfectly shaped head I saw a mess of straw golden yellow hairs that sat peacefully on top of his head. Just stayed there just waiting for my fingers to run through it, combing his mess into place.
"I have just one wish. I wish to wake up every day with your sweet breathe on my neck, the warmth of your lips on my dear cheek, the touch of your fingers all over my skin. I wish to wake up everyday with your heart beating along side mine."
He reaches out and gently puts his pointer finger to my moving lips. I stop talking only long enough to hear what he has to say.
"You are all that I hold most dear to my heart. You are my dreams and fantasies fulfilled. you are a wonderland filled with grace and promise. You are the the beauty that makes the sun want to come back up every single morning. You are my one and only sunshine. I love you."
And with that he put his strong hands around my face and pulls me in closer, and kisses me with nothing more than pure passion. I allow myself to wrap my thin arms up around his neck and sink into his chest. His deliciously sweet kiss sweeps me off my feet making my insides quiver with delite happiness.
He slowly pulls away from me, only to whisper "I'll never let you go" into my ear. That one whisper just starts chipping away at my common sense. His words, his every move, makes me loose all of my self control.I see what my mind only wants me to see. The perfect delusion.
The worst part is about to begin. I struggle with myself just trying to make this flashback end. I
try to make my eyes open back up to the real world. I fight back in a painful battle against my very own mind. I continue lying in bed, trying to get myself to wake up, move about. Do something to prevent this from continuing on any more.
I'm nestled comfortably in his protective arms that are wrapped around me. My tired head is resting gently on his slim, relaxed, chest as we sway back and forth gently together to a beat of music that only we can hear. i can strongly feel the fire filled heat rising up from his lower body. My own body ached all over for him so badly.
I pull way from his strong grasp as I glance up into his face. I witness his powerful dark eyes staring back at me. His eyes were filled with happiness along with a small pinch of pure lust swirling around, filling them up.
He leans down to me, touching his lips to mine once again. Only this time was different than before. He pressed his body up against mine with a brutal force that I had never felt from him before.
His hands that were once so soft, and gentle had become rough and stone cold. The once exhilarating heat that I had just felt from his body was now gone and replaced with frigid, and cold. I felt his tense hands gnawing madly at my thin dress covering my now frightened body. I struggled to pull myself out of his arms, but I did not leave them. He was far to strong for me.
He stops his hands mid action and looks at me. The frightening expression he had terrified me even more.
"I'm here with you, in your arms. Is that not enough?" I ask him with a hint of uncertainty in my now weak voice. "Did you transcend into a dark world of sensual emptiness, and come back with a heart filled with nothing but bitter lust?"
He looked at me with anger boiling in his intense eyes.
"My mind is going insane... Your standing right in front of me looking radiantly beautiful in your thin dress. I want to feel the sensation of your delicious body embracing mine. I'm mesmerized by the way you move. Your like an alluring drug to my body, and I'm becoming more and more addicted as time goes by." He said.
I'm filled with a repulsive disgust after hearing those words come out of his mouth.
"Do you not hear the words that your saying out loud? Your smitten with yourself. I am a woman who has self worth, morals, and dreams. Your repulsive, scheming actions attract only those who are willing to embrace them. I, and never will be, one of them."
I felt stronger and more confident having divulged my inner thoughts to him.
His grip on me seemed weakened as I tried pulling my body away. His ruling influence over me was now almost nonexistent. It was as if he no longer had any affect on me.
I remember seeing his face, shocked and filled with a growing amount of hate. I loved seeing that expression. I felt in control rather than being a puppet.

At that moment my eyes sprang open as I awoke from the nightmare. The joyous sun was beginning to rise bring with it a new day full of opportunities... I lay there in the bed looking around. The colorful wires attached to my chest, the IV running underneath the fresh bandages on my scraped up arm, the constant beeping of the monitors conveying my heart beat. I look up the dreadfully white ceiling tiles and think to myself " Why did he have to hurt me?"


Written by Crystal M. Larson